I’m twenty-two and have had one serious relationship with a boy. And I just broke up with him—for good. Why? Because he’s a twenty-three-year old college boy. And college boys suck.
Your average, modern, twenty-something guy does not know how to date. At all. Somewhere between the mid 1990s and the early 2000s he began to degenerate from man to boy in the courtship department. This mysterious creature somehow managed to completely lose the male gene that carries any chivalry. His brain was altered by modern society and technology so irreversibly—he now doesn’t even know the difference between a first date and first base. As a result, he doesn’t understand women whatsoever, or really care to learn—he cannot satisfy a woman emotionally, sexually or mentally.
College girls have, as a result, learned their lesson the hard way. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked to, “Netflix and chill?” via text message at any hour past 10 p.m. (And, yes, I just used Netflix as a verb)—I would be sporting a Birkin bag by now. On the flipside, if I had a dollar for every time I was taken out to dinner, given a bouquet of roses, sweetly kissed on the forehead, and actually called on the phone to be told goodnight — I could maybe swing a Chipotle burrito for lunch (but could I afford the extra side of guac and chips??).
I know what you’re thinking, wow, this writer is a B-I-T-C-H. Who stole her ice cream and called her ugly today?
I may be coming off as a serious man-hater, but it’s the total opposite. I love men. They make life way more interesting and fun. The problem I have, is with immaturity and disrespect—brought to us, courtesy of this generation’s culture of snapchatting nudes, Tinder, and Jersey Shore (because we all know “the shore” is where it all began, right?).
The love game may never be the same.
When I picture myself in a relationship, I envision high standards. I want to be spoiled, loved, doted on… I need cuddles, attention, understanding, and kindness. But I saw my seventeen-month relationship with my boyfriend (um, let’s just call him, Biff) slowly deteriorate, day by day, because of his selfish behavior. I decided to tell him what I needed: a loving, balanced, giving relationship. Basically, I just needed a lot more damn effort from him.
He responded with, “If you want a boyfriend who does nothing but worship the ground you walk on, that will not be me”.
My response to that, Biff, was… Why the hell not?
When in a serious relationship with someone, they are the one person you have chosen to be with romantically. They are a priority in your life. Why the hell wouldn’t you want to worship the ground they walk on? I mean, not literally— because actually worshipping your girlfriend or boyfriend as some type of God would be insane—but, if you’re choosing to date someone, shouldn’t you think they’re f-ing awesome? Shouldn’t you acknowledge and celebrate their magic and amazingness, show them how happy you are to be with them? Giving flowers to the person you love is fun. Going out of your way to cook them dinner is fun. Rubbing their back and surprising them with fuzzy socks is fun.
Giving is receiving. Kindness multiplies.
The cool thing about relationships is, you didn’t just choose this person out of the billions of other people in the world — they chose you out of the billions of other people in the world, too.
So, if you’re dating a college boy (who sounds like Biff, by no means is every guy like this – you may have found the golden ticket, you lucky lady), breakup with him. Smart, caring, sweet women with self-esteem, big dreams, and solid backbones will never be happy dating the Biffs of the world. Find someone who worships the ground you walk on because all of us deserve someone who is utterly, madly, and deeply in love with us. Find someone who’s obsessed with your magic, and in return be obsessed with their magic, too.
Most college boys may just not be capable of this type of love. And I’ve yet to encounter the minority that can. As far as I’m concerned, it seems most college boys are too preoccupied with beer, sports, and getting laid to satisfy a woman’s needs.
So raise your standards higher, refuse to settle for anything less than a man who puts you as his number one priority. Expect more.
Maybe I’m just a newly single, slightly bitter and optimistic college girl who reads way too many feminist blogs. But deep within I know, with an absolute certainty, that all women deserve more. And in life, it’s common to get what you believe you deserve.
Women need to raise their expectations in all aspects of their lives, relationships included. And the sooner the better. Raise the standard of how we are treated for ourselves, our friends, heck, for our future daughters.
Expect more from those college boys because we want to have faith in them. We all want to believe.